Tuesday, November 15, 2011


I'm here at the outpatient pavilion getting ready to be put under so my surgeon can stretch scar tissue. I think the worst part of this is not being able take Xanax for my anxiety (Linda can appreciate that)

My favorite doctor, dr ennis, is the one doing the procedure so that rocks!! He knows I will fight the sedation because, without fail, I will be obnoxious. For those of you who are sick you know there are those small things we do to entertain ourselves!!

Today is not as big a deal as Friday will be so I'm not too nervous. The only crappy thing is that I have waken up a few times during this procedure and it is the worst feeling in the world. I have stressed to dr ennis that I don't want that to happen EVER again!

They are about to put my iv in and I'm all hooked up so I have to sign off. I hope everyone has a wonderful day :))

Friday, November 4, 2011


Hey everyone, I wanted to apologize for not posting this week. On Monday I went to the hospital and got out yesterday. Then, yesterday afternoon I started going downhill... quickly. Turns out I'm withdrawling from a pain medication called dilaudid that i was on in the hospital.

My doctor told me my weekend will consist of throwing up everything i eat and drink, chills, fever, and hot flashes from hell. I promise I will post a video as soon as I feel a little better. I tried to convince Mattie to write this for me but, due to no success, I am typing this post laying down in my sister, Kristins, bed.

I truly hope everyone is having a much better week and I will talk to you all very soon!!

Monday, October 31, 2011


Having to go to the ER is bad enough, but being admitted to the actual hospital sucks!!

I came back because my Picc line was infected... For the third time. My stomach was hurting along with multiple other symptoms. After this past hell-esqure week I'm completely physically and mentally drained.

I think that everyone has their own breaking point. Some people take care of families non stop while going to night school and working 30 hours a week. What I'm trying to say is that at some point or another you throw your hands up and just say I'm done.

This past week has shown me my breaking point around 10 times but the difference is that I can't throw my cards on the table and walk away. Having a chronic disease means, if you want to feel better, you are constantly thinking of your disease.

I am taking 4 classes online and finishing up 2 from last semester. If I wake up feeling like crap I have no choice but to take a small amount of pain medication, so I'm not too drowsy, sit at my kitchen table and do my homework. Due to having all of this going on, it really makes me sick. The stress makes my body function even worse.

Even though all my teachers are very considerate about getting assignments in on time I still stress. For goodness sAke, I am so not myself that I started bawling today when I found out to had to come back here. Needless to say, all of this is taking quite the toll on me.

After breaking down my mom made me realize how important it is to do what I need to do to be happy. It is not worth it for me to worry about small issues all day.

Last thought: concentrate on what is important, but not things that make you mad, sad, stresses, etc.

The picture goes to show you how upset mama and u are to be here. Ciao!!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Take 3: back in the ER

So I'm back in here because of stomach pain and bleeding. Though my symptoms are severe my biggest complain is the gown!

When I was little I use to refuse to wear it and the nurses thought it was kind of cute and sassy so they didn't make me. Now that I am a "big girl" if you don't put the gown on you don't get much help.

There are companies that sell you comfortable hospital gowns at reasonable prices but you aren't allowed to bring your own attire. It does not make sense to me... The more comfortable the patient the more easy going we are. If you are going to poke and prod us at least let us be cozy.

Not only is it made out of a stiff material it smells as if it ha been in a musty closet for the last century. My mom gave me lotion to rub all over my hands, arm, and neck so that I smell like 'moonlight path' instead of musty crap!

For those of you who have been following my blog you heard me right!! My mon is back! The last two days have been hell for both of us (me because of pain and her because she hasn't been here with me). Anyways, she is here in her chair, with her phone and iPad ready to attack the doctor when he comes in. Matt is also here and ready to make fun of the goofy things I say after they give me medicine.

Real quick before I sign off I want to praise God that Pat Bockenstette has a wonderfully successful surgery. He is Matt's dad and my partner in crime when it comes to the medical world!! I'm proud of you Patricia and this healing process is going to be a bitch but you'll pull through!

The following picture is my mighty team!! Have a fabulous day :)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Back to the ER

After leaving last night around 10 I got a phone call from the hospital saying come back...

My Picc line got infected so they had take it out and put another one. After 5 attempts with a needle the size my pinky they finally placed a new line in and we thought it was going to be smooth sailing. Syke!!

Due to my Crohns I am very prone to infections so I should have seen this comin. Upon calling the radiologist a few choice words it was finally over.

The nurse I have today is an absolute angel. She is keeping me medicated and happy... which is exactly what I needed! Daddy likes her because she loves talking about sports!! Mom is still not here because of her vacation but I have a feeling she is testing the speed warning on her beemer!!

I am about to get more medicine so it's time to nap!

Ps photo by Thomas R. Clift

Saturday, October 22, 2011

ER Surprises

Er rooms really are like no place in the world. I am currently laying on a bed in one at St. Joes and it's hell. Even though I know I will feel a lot better once I get the medication but laying here in agony sucks.

I am usually in here for stomach pains and that is sort of the case as well. Not only is my stomach on fire, but my Picc line is now infected. If it's not one thing with me.... It is certainly going to be two other things.

When I called my doc to tell him my stomach was hurting and my arm was pussing I heard one hell of a heavy sigh. He is used to the pain but I can't afford to lose this Picc line!! The other arm is still clotting so I've run out of options. If I don't gain weight then my surgery will be pushed off even more!

I am positive my mom is going nuts not being here with me. She is in the mountains with her girlfriends. I told my dad not to come because I didn't think they'd put me in a room so he is not here either. My boyfriend, Mattie, is sitting here with me playing games, which is the only ways we know to entertain ourselves!!

The only good thing about being here is the other "sickies" can be totally crazy. Without a doubt there will always be the loud Hispanic family of 13, the druggy who gives suggestions to the nurses about what pain meds she should give him, and the first timer who looks like she wants to pee herself.

I'm signing off with the hopes that a doctor will come in soon. If not, I'll give Mattie the medication... We have been here so many times he knows just what to do! Adios!

Ps the picture is a glimpse of the beautiful view I will have for the next couple of hours!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

People In Your Life

I look back on my high school days and I would literally give anything back to be there. I was relatively care free, I was hanging with the “cool” kids, our world revolved around football, and stress was not even in my vocabulary. I have very vivid memories throughout those four years with hundreds of different acquaintances. Despite what my facebook says I talk to maybe twenty of those people that I was friends with in high school. It is funny how when you go through something life changing people you used to be close with are no longer in your life. Something I have learned over the past couple of years is that the people who truly love you will be by your side no matter what. I am not able to leave my house to do whatever I want, due to my condition, but my best friends still make time to come see me. Two of my best friends, Blair and Jes, have been in my life since preschool and by the looks of it they are not going anywhere.
Something else that has kicked me in the ass the last two or three years is how important my family is. When I was 17 years old I literally thought I was a million and a half times cooler than my parents. I have always been close with my mom, dad, and sisters but they would still embarrass me in front of my friends. Now, when I am in the hospital I always have at least one family member in there keeping me company. Whether it is my dad and boyfriend driving me nuts with electronic monopoly, my mama on her ipad, or my sisters sneaking me candy they are ALWAYS there for me.

Basically what I am trying to say is that the people who REALLY, REALLY love you will be there no matter what and make sure you appreciate your family because they love you more than you know!! Surround yourself with people that make you a better person and that, in turn, you can help as well!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

A Quick Hello

Hi Everyone!! 
I am currently creating a blog for people interested in chronic diseases. My goal is to share my experiences with anyone who is interested and hopefully learn from those who have gone through similar events in their life. I am certainly not a professional but I figure I have a lot to offer those who have chronic diseases or is close to someone with a disease. If you think anyone you know would be interested in following my blog please feel free to send them my URL. 


Also, any feedback is greatly appreciated. I will talk to you all soon!